writing task 2. This is my fisrt essay. Please help me


Welcome to Academic IELTS Help Forums Student Support writing task 2. This is my fisrt essay. Please help me

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  • #72055
    Huong
    Participant

      Get people under 18 ride motorcycle?
      Whether parents should let their children under 18 old ages ride motorbike benefits or not is controversial. While I disagree with the idea of the negative impact on health and the environment caused by driving, I do believe that it also has some positive effects on individuals for transportation.

      On the one hand, there are some reasons why parents should consider that riding motorbike is convenient for their child not only for transportation but also developing skills. For instance, the under 18 old -age schoolers can go home directly after finishing classes without waiting for their parent for a long time. Moreover, other activities such as sporting event, they would not have to rely on their parents which give them a sense of independence. As a result, the flexibility of their improved daily and they can handle situation occurred on the road quickly

      On the other hand, It is undeniable that driving vehicle results in human life and pollution. Firstly, because of soaring the number of motorcycles on the streets, these younger riders, who are not trained how to ride safely, are more likely to be injured in a crash. According to statistics, motorbike fatalities relate to 70 % of all vehicle-related fatalities in Viet Nam every year. Secondly, the contaminated environment is the worst problem. If each young student driving a motorbike, it will increase the number of vehicles so that it might make air and noise pollutions.

      In conclusion, it is certainly true that young students ride motor brought in benefits can be seen, but these drawbacks listed of this phenomenon also need to focus.

      #72062
      aeadmin
      Keymaster

        Hi Huong, This is a band 5.
        You have several grammar and language use mistakes that make your essay incoherent at times. You need to review for these.

        #72061
        sapna
        Participant

          very nice and good consider

          #72060
          Ngoc
          Participant

            Very nice. Keep going 😀

            #72059
            aeadmin
            Keymaster

              Always adding more and more. Thanks for the compliment.

              #72058
              erichuff
              Participant

                nice job

                #72057
                katiequinn
                Participant

                  cool

                  #72056
                  aeadmin
                  Keymaster

                    Thanks : )

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