Plz Check my writing


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  • #72303
    aeadmin
    Keymaster

     

    Today the high sale of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

     
          It is commonly believed that the high rate of goods consumption in any society is not due to the actual needs of this society but it is highly affected by commercials in different media. Having said that, I strongly agree with these views and in this essay I will outline why.
     
         First of all, it can not be denied that the world population has increased a lot recently. It is asserted by scientists that between 1950 and 2000 the world population doubled. Furthermore many societies was changed from simple societies to sophisticated ones. One or two hundred years ago people used to be locavores. They plant what they eat and make what they use. But with the appearance of modern technology things got much more sophisticated. Many societies had been transformed into consuming rather than productive ones.
     
       Secondly, since the inception of television, the influence of television commercials had grown mightier. Producers studied the society well and were able to attract vast numbers of different society members to buy their goods, regardless they need them or not. They had succeeded in attracting the attention of the working women whom got into the work force in masses to replace home cooking with instant meals and save time.
     
        Thirdly, the appearance of those gigantic supermarkets with millions of goods on the shelves. Thousands of offers are made every day just to encourage consumers to buy these things. Of course this had encouraged people to change their buying customs. Sometimes things are bought thoughtlessly, just because they were on sail. But whether the buyer  needs them or not that is not a problem as long as there is a sail sign hanged over them.
     
         In conclusion, for all the reasons mentioned above. It can be said that the impact of advertisements and commercials is strongly affecting the buying customs of any society.
     

    #72306
    aeadmin
    Keymaster

    this is an amazing essay , it is perfect . i can’t see any mistakes on your essay . please can you get me the source that improved your English .

    thank you…..

    #72305
    aeadmin
    Keymaster

    Hi Reda,

    The essay would score a 6.5-7.0 on IELTS.

    One main point to work on – there are many verb tense errors in the response.

     

    To find out more about why this essay would get this score, please submit it for professional editing and feedback through the editing links in your ‘my student account’.

    #72304
    aeadmin
    Keymaster

    very good essay

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