Hello everybody, can someone evaluate this essay?Thank you in advance.

Welcome to Academic IELTS Help Forums Student Support Hello everybody, can someone evaluate this essay?Thank you in advance.

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    The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.
    Obesity is one of the biggest problems around the world. A lot of people these days are suffering from being overweight. The proportion of obesity in children has raised by nearly twenty per cent in western society in the last decade. I believe two of the main causes of this are fast food and lack of exercise. Unfortunately, this trend has certain effects not only on health but also on society.
    Since the popularity of fast food is prevalent around the world, many people from young to older are becoming overweight. Unhealthy food such as hotdog and hamburger which contains high fat and harmful substances make people gain mass and become fatty. For example, I have a good friend whose name is Radbek eat fast food at least twice a day and he became overweight. This is of two reasons why so many people have become obese.
    As an advance in technology makes our life much easier than ever before, some people stopped walking to their destination as well as doing exercise. Doing sports play a major role in people health since it initiates to lose weight. If people do sport at least once a day, being obese would not be a problem for them. Also, the construction of the public playground field has decreased in western countries. To illustrate, there are due to lack of public sports field and lack of interests in doing exercise, the rate of obesity is increasing.
    One of the pivotal effects of being overweight is on human health. Because it leads to various disorders in human health such as diabetes, risk of heart illness and death at an early age. Furthermore, these people have an impact on society too, as it results in lower productivity.
    In conclusion, obesity is a severe issue that needs attention. I strongly feel that fast food and sport are two of the main components of obesity.


    well done mate. keep going forward

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