Reply To: How to improve to get a 7.5
I obviously don’t have the task question with me, but it seems like you’ve written a well thought out response.
I’ve made some notes in […]
“In 1940 the USA had the highest number of elderlies [this is not a word] with a percentage of 9%. Similarly[you are using this incorrectly – “similarly compares what comes before and what comes after “similarly”, not the two things that come after], Sweden and Japan had almost the same percentage of approximately 5-7%. However, Japan’s population have [agreement – has] slightly decreased[tense – just write “slightly decreased”] to almost 3% in 1985 and started to rise up later. Interestingly, The US and Sweden populations have [tense again] gradually increased to reach almost 14% in 1999. The old Japanese were almost 50% less comparing [compared] to the other two countries. From the legend it is expected that the aged [should be “elderly”] Japanese number would [tense – will] substantially increase to reach it surpass of 27% [this is not good English – I don’t know what you’re trying to say]. Nevertheless the US population will reach no more than 23% while Sweden will rise up to 20%.”
You have a number of word choice, usage, and tense errors. This is nothing major. I’d say this is a 6.5 essay. With some cleaner English, it could be 7.5 certainly.