Writing task 2


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  • #72108
    Anonymous

    Hi AEadmin,
    I am writing task 2 with topic below, please give me your comment to improve my writing score 6.0-6.5. I also follow your structure (finding topic and controlling idea), but I am not sure it is correct.

    Topic: Nowadays, some employers think that formal academic qualifications are more important than life experience or personal qualities when they look for new employees. Why is it the case? Is it a positive or negative development?
    Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

    Identifying topic & controlling idea:
    Topic: academic qualifications
    – What are academic qualifications?
    the educational degrees that students are certificated completed their courses/ derive the educational degrees from completing their courses
    An academic qualification involves the study of a subject with an academic discipline and (hopefully) research focus. The overriding purpose of this qualification is a contribution to the learner’s specialised knowledge of a subject and not necessarily the application thereof.
    – why do we need it?
    It constitutes beneficial element to candidates submit their applications and provide knowledge as well as skills
    – How do we use it?
    We use academic degree to apply a job

    Controlling ideas 1: more important
    – Why more important?
    It constitutes a beneficial assessment to select an efficient and dependable employee by having knowledge and analyst skills. The candidates with academic qualifications have more opportunities to avail career promotions. This is an essential element to grow a successful career. Securing job and
    – How do we avail it?
    The viral positions of an organization are held by the educated employees. Candidates derive a good job and attractive salary packages from academic qualifications.

    Controlling idea 2: good or bad movement
    – Is it good ?
    No
    – Why is it bad?
    Because there are multiple high positions anticipate life experience rather than qualifications. Education merely provides knowledge through books, while experience teach people doing that way is not work. Conversely, life experience informs employers that candidates who get knowledge and skill from living are ready for work
    – How does this happen?
    Currently, There are many people who have not held any degree become a successful CEO. Employability skills like teamwork, problem-solving and time management are not equipped by graduated

    Thesis:
    I believe that two effective factors which academic qualifications become more expected than life experience are securing job and career promotion. However, there is negative movement when a degree constitutes a vital recruiting requirement rather than experience.

    My essay:
    Knowledge and experience are elements that recruiter requires candidates must have in work placement. People tend to equip knowledge through learning a subject at education placement. When getting those essential factors, employees feel confident to apply the job. I believe that two effective parts of academic qualifications become more expected than life experience are securing job and career promotion. However, there is negative movement when a degree constitutes more vital recruiting requirement than experience.

    Candidates obtain stable placement in company by equipping their own academic degrees. Employers assess efficient and dependable employees through their degrees. Educated employees derive knowledge and skills from books and their teachers. For instance, my friend Tom who obtains a placement in accounting department after graduated an accounting degree. His knowledge and skills in accounting avail his job to be efficient and securing. He has taken an accounting job for seven year. Unfortunately, a securing job is not the final purpose of workers. Employees expect to thrive a higher position in their career. To achieve this, candidates not only equip knowledge from education, but also get experience from life. Therefore, an academic qualification is not initial requirement when selecting an effective employee. This is one of two major elements encouraging graduated to be more attractive than experience.

    A successful career is considered as an important part of all workers. A successful career involves position, promotion, an attractive salary and new challenge in an organisation. When recruiting a higher position, most recruiter looks for the educated employees. The reason is an academic qualification is the evidence of professional knowledge and skills. In one case, my friend Tom is promoted to manager position after seven years working. Badly, He demoted this chair after five months as Tom has not enough experience yet in taking critical decisions. Again, academic qualification is not suitable for advanced positions which need experience.

    In conclusion, securing job and career promotion are two factors that lead to graduated employees to be more expected than experience. However, other positions require experience rather than academic qualification. It is a good point for employers focus on both life experience and academic degree to choose right candidates.

    #72109
    aeadmin
    Keymaster

    Hi Tuan, unfortunately you made a mistake clearly identifying the topic and this caused you to write a poor essay. The topic here is ’employee qualifications’ and the controlling idea is ‘the reasons for preferring academic rather than life experience, is it good or bad” Also, you need to focus on syntax, word-choice and grammar. Even though you are using some good vocabulary, you are not using them well. I recommend submitting your work through our editing services for more detailed marking and feedback. As is, this essay would score band 6 at most. In either case, keep up the good work.

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